‘Twas the Night Before the Christmas Party: An HR Appreciation Poem

‘Twas the night before the Christmas Party
And neither near nor afar
Not a worker was working
Except for HR.

The posters were hung
In the breakroom with care
In hopes that the auditors
Would never be there.

The big party tomorrow
Was promised to thrill
But HR knew reality,
HR knew the drill.

 You’d pleaded to boss
“Please no booze this year!”
But he’d slyly rebuked,
“Chill out, have a beer!”

It would just be two hours
And then that’s a wrap,
But with Liquor and punch
All would soon go to crap

Old Molly would come
Barely dressed as an elf,
And Billy would not
Keep his hands to himself.

Tony would loiter
Then tipping his flask
Ask questions you’d pleaded him
Never to ask.

Leonard would come
Wearing red coat and cap
And awkwardly ask folks
to sit on his lap.

Grace would start dancing
Like a flickering flame
With moves that refused
To live up to her name.

Charlie got bolder
And more honest, too.
You bet you’d be hearing
His true thoughts of you!

Then you overhear Harry
From payroll remark
How he made more money
Than Shonda and Clark.

And Craig on his phone
Would send Alice a text.
If Lisa finds out,
Then a storm would be next!

You’d run about frantic
‘Twas no party for you.
Knowing each new infraction
Meant more work to do.

They’d all come to work
The very next morn
Shame-faced and sullen
Hung-over and worn.

You’ll sit at your desk
Knowing soon it’d come in
When the stories would circle
The drama’d begin.

Making note after note
Squelching fire after fire
About Craig being a rat
And Alice a liar.

Like a champ you would take it
With a smile on your face
Knowing you were the glue
That held things in place.

By the end of the day
All would be as it should
All the drama reduced
All infractions made good.

And flipping the switch
You would yell in the night
“Another Holiday Bash Averted!
Another year I was Right!”